


Cingulomania

by orphan_account



Series: the beautiful and the profound (words) [3]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Jealousy, M/M, Panic Attack, admittance of feelings, argument, au where jenna doesnt exist but everything else is the same, josh couldnt be more wrong, josh thinks tyler is replacing him, set while on tour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 18:55:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9398522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: (n.) a strong desire to hold a person in your arms."I just met him today but I feel like I've known him for a while." -Tyler Joseph on Jon Bellion





	

Tyler couldn't stop gushing about how much he and Jon got along, it was all he would talk about when they got back onto the bus, sitting there practically bouncing like a child on their way to chuck E cheese. Josh knows the hyperness is adrenaline from the success of their first show back but he cant help the ugly twinge of jealousy in his chest as Tyler just wont stop talking about their new support act. Josh completely bipasses giddy excitement and goes straight to pure exhaustion instead and decides to call it a night. 

Josh watches them bounce around and throw beats back on forth and he knows he must be hitting his drums harder because once everyone is off stage Tyler gives him a look as if to say "you good" and Josh huffs out a heavy breath and focuses on the amazing crowd and how happy this makes him and he forgets all about this ugly feeling thats started festering inside him. 

When Josh visists Tyler's dressing room just as the first support act goes on he doesn't expect to find Jon sat with him playing rocket league. They almost dont even notice Josh is in the room until Tyler has yelled out a loud "YES!" and punched the air to signal he's won. "Oh, hey Josh." he beams and Josh smiles back and points at the cereal bar on the craft table set up for them, Tyler furrows his brow but Josh just takes it and leaves again as he hears Jon suggest one last game before he needs to get ready to perform. 

"Josh what is your problem man?" Tyler asks almost exasperated as they walk onto the bus. Josh saw Tyler and Jon laughing about an inside joke and Josh hadnt been able to storm off without Tyler noticing and calling him over which Josh had ignored. 

"Nothing." Josh mumbles turning to face Tyler now but refusing to make eye contact. 

"You know you can tell me anything right?" Tyler puts a hand on his arm and Josh shrugs it off with a heavy sigh. 

"Gosh." he says frustrately to the ceiling. When he looks back Tyler's brow is furrowed again and Josh knows he's piecing things together. 

"Is this about Jon? Do you not- did something happen between you two or something?" 

"No." Josh snapped back. 

"Josh." he replied sternly forcing the older man to meet his gaze. 

"You know, the world doesnt have to revolve around your new best friend, he's a decent guy i have nothing against him but god forbid im not stuck up his ass like you are." Josh didnt mean to snap, he's tired and its not an excuse to be such an asshole but he cant help how their best buddies attitude gets under his skin. 

"Are you kidding me right now?" Tyler lets out an incredilous scoff at Josh's outburst. "God forbid i have friends that aren't you Josh of course i'm gonna hang out with him hes a nice guy I honestly dont understand why you can be such a- such a-" 

"A what Tyler? what?!" They're shouting now, aware that anyone could hear especially as they know there are people at the back of the bus. 

"A hypocrite." Tyler spits, poking Josh's chest. 

"A hypocrite?" Josh is pretty sure that if you looked up flabbergasted his picture would be underneath it right now. 

"You heard me." Tyler lowered his voice but not in a way that's any less malicious and it sends a shiver down Josh's spine in the worst way. "I never said anything when you and Mark were on a seperate bus all of last tour, I don't say anything when you're off with Dustin or Jesse or Colin or any of your other LA buddies, in fact I supported you whole heartedly when you chose to move to over 2000 miles away." They stared at eachother in silence, Josh's heart was beating far too fast, he knew he was trembling with anxiety but he couldnt force a response out. After only a few seconds -it felt like hours- Tyler spoke again. "You know what I really can't do this with you right now Josh." 

Then Tyler was walking away and Josh was moving without even realising, locking himself in the toilet and sliding down the door. Blood made washing machine sounds in his ears and he tried so hard to breathe, to force air into his lungs. 

This was it, Josh knew it was only a matter of time before it happened, and this was probably the final nail in the coffin. He'd always been so dependent on Tyler, without Tyler this dream didn't have life it was simply that: a dream. Josh needed Tyler to fill in the gaps. Josh, he- he was replacable in every sense, Jon could be Tyler's new best friend, he could be the person he shares his music with and bounces new ideas off, lord knows Tyler knows how to programme drum tracks, he could record it all himself and then get anyone to fill in on stage. Tyler didnt need him, this only proved that in Josh's mind, cemented how little Tyler needed him. But Josh needed Tyler so badly, needed him to tell him it would all be okay and that he would get through this and he'd help him breathe again and everything would be fine, but that wouldn't be the case anymore. Josh's head felt like a lead weight and his chest ached more with each rasping breathe he took until he fell asleep curled against the bathroom door, stray tears spilling across the bridge of his nose. 

"Jordan that's not gonna be easy to fix what the f- oh my- shit, Josh?" Mark's voice floated into his mind but Josh couldn't bring himself to follow it towards consciousness just yet. 

"I tried to tell you he locked himself in there." He could hear Jordan further away. 

"Shut up and help me carry him to his bunk." He could feel two sets of hands pulling at him lifting him and carrying him to his bunk, awkwardly shoving him in like he was a package only just small enough to fit inside the mailbox. 

He automatically curled himself onto his front rolling off all the random things he'd left lay on his bunk throughout the day. 

Before he knew it he was being shaken awake and told he needs to eat before showtime. 

The show goes off without a hitch, despite the fact that Tyler literally isnt talking to him, he doesn't call Josh his good friend though, just asks the crowd to give it up for "Josh Dun on the drums everybody!" and Josh is glad to get a break when Tyler battles a fan at mario kart, if they'd had to do the chant he doesnt know if he would have been able to cope. 

They don't say another word to eachother even when they have their arms so losely wrapped around each other at the end of the show. 

The next day they're forced alone into a room to do interviews and the interviews seem the same as all the others, Josh is more anxious sure, but maybe Tyler knows because he's carrying him but he's acting like theyre best friends again and Josh feels like a burden once again and it makes his heart ache. 

When the last radio crew files out Tyler turns on Josh. 

"Jon isn't you, you know." Tyler mumbles.   
Josh snaps his gaze to meet his dark brown eyes under his cap. "He isn't, he's not gonna replace you Josh." 

Josh cant stop the puff of air or the sarcastic "okay" that escapes him. 

Tyler looks hurt but he quickly composes himself. "Josh. Listen to me." His hand is on Josh's thigh and Josh has to look at him if only to distract from the way his touch almost burns. "You're irreplaceable, you are." Tyler seems angry when Josh tries to protest. "No, listen you tell yourself you're not good enough, that I don't need you, that the fans don't need you but you couldn't be more wrong. Without you we're not twenty one pilots i cant do this without you, without my best friend in the whole world." The hand on his thigh is getting hotter and hotter and Josh doesn't know what to say anymore instead he lets a sob escape him. 

"I'm sorry." Is all he says and Tyler holds his head and strokes his hair. He's folded over Tyler's lap and Tyler moves to hug his body round his like a shield. 

"You're not the only one who gets jealous you know." Tyler mumbles from where he's hunched overJosh, his chin pressed into the small of his back. Josh sniffles some more and Tyler takes it as his queue to keep going. "I used to be jealous of how close you and Mark are but I don't know I guess in a way it also made me happy that two of the most important people in my life got along so well." Josh nudge him then, sitting up so they were face to face rubbing tears off his cheeks. 

"Really?" He sounded so small. 

Tyler nodded, before looking at his hands in his lap. "And i lied too." Tyler took a deep breath. "I wasn't okay with you moving to LA I just went with it because I wanted you to be happy, you deserve it so much Josh you really do." 

"But you never said-" Josh's voice was raw from crying and his words came out like a whisper. 

"Yeah well," Tyler looked across the room another heavy sigh escaping him. "When you love someone you have to let them go I suppose." He looked at Josh then, his eyes shiny with his own tears and all Josh could do was blink at his words. 

"Tyler can I kiss you?" 

"Y-you want to kiss me?" Tyler said shocked as Josh nodded his bottom lip between his teeth. Tyler swallowed hard and licked his lips before leaning towards Josh. "Please" he whispered before Josh's lips were brushing his and it was like every emotion he had tried to force down or lock away burst out of him. He couldnt stop himself from pushing his body into Josh's straddling his lap and letting Josh push his tongue into his mouth and their hands were in hair anf it felt like they had ascended into some other heavenly realm. 

"I wish i'd know you loved me sooner, I was a coward not saying anything." Tyler said breathless as they were finally forced to break apart. Josh kissed his nose. 

"I do, I love you so much." He pushed his forehead against Tyler's. The pair all rosy cheeks and blissful laughter and toothy grins. "I'm even more of a coward. I only moved away because I couldn't bear the thought of being so close when you didn't feel the same."

"shhh its okay, nothing else matters anymore." Tyler soothed before pulling Josh into another kiss by his bright yellow curls.


End file.
